I move therefore I am

I move
therefore
I am

*

Our bodies were made to move. Made to jump, to flop, to strain — to roll, to fall, to wander — but here we are, locked in and made to wonder, “When will it be safe again,” “When will we be safe again,” of each other, with each other, again.

*

I move there
‘fore
I am

*

Each breath was a chance to move, each step a chance to attack, each move a breath, an attack, a chance. When in doubt, where there was doubt, before there is doubt, move. To move was me and to me, to move was when I could truly be.

*

Each of us carry our thoughts upon our shoulders, heavy as we walk wall to wall within our living spaces, hardly space enough for living, and now, needing to house and bathe and clothe and face, every fear, doubt, and worry that visits unannounced, unsure when they will, when we will, if we will, leave.

*

It was easier before. That before when we could leave those thoughts at the door of the gym, the edge of the mat, the start of a roll. In that before, we could choose whether or not we would carry those thoughts once more. Before this, before now.

*

I move there
for I
am

*

I move, sometimes. I blink, I yawn, I stretch — I bend down to find a fallen pen, a piece of bread. I move minimally, only when it is necessary. Before, that was the goal. Efficient movement, saving energy, timing, timing, timing. Now, we have all the time in the world. But most of the time, we’re not moving. And so time moves without us.

*

I move
they’re for I
am

*

Where does one’s edge go when it is lost? Does it get washed up on the shore, found damp alongside one’s lost fire? Or is it like lost memories, never to be found? Locked in the before.

*

I move
their “for”
I am

*

My body is mine to move. I may not jump as wildly or as often as I used to, perhaps I flop only onto bed, and I strain only when cleaning underneath the far corners of the sofa. I am locked in but not locked out of the strength that has carried me through every roll, every break, every fall.

The being I was before still is — being, before. Before this, before now.

The body I am moving, the being I am becoming, is here, now. Moving the weight from my shoulders to my hands, my legs, to lift, to curl, to press, to pull. This is how I move, now.

When we leave, I will be me, a me I will only meet then, there.

I must move, forward, towards that day, that me, for me.

*

I move
therefore
I am

I move there
‘fore
I am

I move there
for I
am

I move
they’re for I
am

I move
their “for”
I am